How to be festive

For many years, I have been moody during the holidays. Unable to join the festivities while being myself, I’d show up without wanting to be there.

I don’t like feeling like I have to feel a certain way. Ever. And our family’s way of celebrating the holidays, especially, has usually invalidated any other feelings, emotions or circumstances. It was joy or nothing.

Unwilling to get on with the program, the only option was retreat into a private sphere of one, with a spirit ensconced in grief masked as apathy. There had to be a better way.

There was, although it took many years to see it. What I’ve learned during this time is that being festive does not invalidate grief, sadness, discontent. That the holiday season is not a time to forget about that which makes us feel other emotions and feelings but rather a time to emphasize joy and gratitude.

Intentionally choosing to bring grief along to a holiday celebration, while emphasizing joy, makes a world of a difference. It’s how I’ve learned how to be festive.